The Haunted Houses of Classic TV

 

Before We Begin…

 

Today’s blog is about Halloween scares from the classic TV era. But after the atrocities committed last weekend in Israel, all of us received a sobering reminder about what genuine fear feels like, and that pure evil does exist in our real world.

 

There have been other tragic news stories since Comfort TV was launched in 2011 – too many, really. This was a place to escape for a few moments from frightening headlines, and the feelings of rage and sadness they engender. But when a country and a people are attacked by savages in a way that conjures memories of the 9/11 attacks on New York and Pennsylvania, it must be acknowledged – even here – if for no other reason than to pray for those killed, those captured, and those left behind.

 

“Pray now for the peace of Jerusalem: and let there be prosperity to them that love thee.” – Psalm 122:6.

 

Now, back to Comfort TV.

 

Colorful boxes of Halloween candy have been stacked up at the grocery store since the middle of August, but the season doesn’t really kick in until October, when the pumpkins arrive as well, along with pumpkin spice candles and lattes and boxes of Cheerios.

 

And nothing says Halloween like a haunted house. From the serious scares of the Amityville Horror to comical frights from Abbott and Costello,  there is always something intriguing about a spooky old building and what might be lurking inside. No wonder these mysterious dwellings have appeared in so many classic TV shows. I know I’ve missed a few but here’s a look at some of the best, some that are just good enough to sample on a dark and stormy night, and a couple you can skip until next year.

 

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

 

“The Haunted House”

The Andy Griffith Show

An errant baseball lands inside the old Rimshaw place, and ghostly moans scare Opie away before he can retrieve it. Andy sends Barney and Gomer out to investigate, but they too run away before crossing the threshold. Andy returns with them and they finally get inside and find the baseball – along with a mysterious staring painting, a floating axe and other strange phenomena. 

 

 

Don Knotts makes this one of the best haunted house sitcom stories. His trembling, bug-eyed performance led to his being cast in the film The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, which features a slew of Comfort TV stars, as well as a great theme from Addams Family composer Vic Mizzy.

 

“The Night of the Man Eating House”

The Wild, Wild West

Agents West and Gordon are assigned to accompany an elderly prisoner accused of treason. They stop for the night at a house that appears to be abandoned, only to discover that it was their prisoner’s home – and it won’t let them leave. As they try to escape, the prisoner regains his youthful appearance, while evidence is uncovered that he may have been innocent all along. 

 

 

Even for a series that routinely dealt in fantastic happenings, this is one of the most “out there” episodes of The Wild, Wild West, as it stacks one bizarre occurrence on top of another, leaving viewers thoroughly confused as to how any of what’s going on could be real. All is revealed in the final act – whether it’s a cop-out or not is up to you.

 

“The Ghost of A. Chantz”

The Dick Van Dyke Show

If haunted houses are too cliché, how about a haunted cabin at a remote Catskills fishing lodge? That’s where Rob, Laura, Buddy and Sally find themselves, where doors open and fireplaces ignite and rocking chairs rock and menacing faces stare back from the mirrors. This is a top-tier episode from one of television’s greatest sitcoms. 

 

 

“Haunted House”

Window on Main Street

“Every self-respecting town should have a haunted house,” says Cameron Brooks (Robert Young) as this episode opens. If you’re not familiar with this series, Brooks is an author who has returned to his hometown to write a book about its people and places. He convinces his friend Lloyd to join him in spending a night inside an abandoned house that has become a magnet for local legends and scary stories. What’s so delightful about this episode is watching the two grown men being caught up in a little kid’s adventure. They don’t believe in ghosts but still jump at every strange noise. During their stay they discover why so many passers-by were convinced they saw a spirit beckoning to them from an upstairs window. Lloyd, a newspaper man, can’t wait to publish the story, but Cameron asks him to keep the house’s secret: “Our prosaic lives could stand a little mystery.”

 

"Monkee See, Monkee Die"

Thle Monkees

No other series crossed “haunted house episode” off their standard plot list faster than The Monkees.

 

The foursome are invited to the reading of a millionaire’s will insides his spooky mansion. There, they meet an eccentric band of guests, including a writer who keeps asking everyone if they’ve ever read any of his books (sample title: “South Dakota: Fact or Fiction”), a woman who claims to have psychic powers (hilariously played by Lea Marmer) and a comely young lass who becomes Davy’s latest love. This was the second episode aired, and the first to feature the band’s first #1 hit, “Last Train to Clarksville.” The séance scene is a scream –but in a good way.

 

MODERATELY RECOMMENDED

 

“To Move Or Not To Move”

The Brady Bunch

I had a choice here between “Fright Night” and “To Move Or Not To Move,” both episodes in which the Brady kids choose to haunt their own house. Full disclosure: I chose the latter mostly because I haven’t watched it in a while. It’s a first season show when the blended family is still adjusting to their new circumstances, among them six kids with two bedrooms and just one bathroom. “We need to move!” the kids shout. But as soon as a new home is found they regret their rash demand, and hatch a plan to scare away any potential buyers. In the early shows the Brady boys and girls were often at war – we get some of that here, but it’s also nice to see them join forces in a common cause.

 

“The Haunted House”

Leave It To Beaver

Is Mrs. Cooper a witch who lives in a haunted house? That’s what Beaver thinks, so imagine his reaction when June gets him a job walking Mrs. Cooper’s dog. If the Cooper residence looks familiar it’s because it also served as home to the Munsters. 

 

 

“The Ghost Next Door”

My Three Sons

Surprisingly, this is the only haunted house show on this list with a Halloween theme. In it, we learn that the house next to the Douglas residence has been vacant for years (hard to believe in such a nice neighborhood!). So when Chip sees a strange light in the window, he is sure the place now has its own ghost.

 

WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR

 

“The Mystery of the Haunted House”

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries

This was the very first Hardy Boys adventure, and probably not the best choice to introduce viewers to the series. A story that’s too convoluted unfolds amidst what is basically one long chase scene through foggy graveyards and a “Haunted House” that is actually a tourist attraction that serves cheesebrugers. Frank and Joe Hardy are too cool to be scared by any of this, as they try to rescue their father who gets in over his head with a case that involves traitors and Navy intelligence. Lisa Eilbacher at her cutest almost pushes this up one notch. 

 

 

“Haunted House”

Laverne and Shirley

A search for a cheap second-hand couch ends at “the old Ramsdale Manor,” where “no one who goes there ever returns.” But the show’s best moments happen before that visit, when Laverne & Shirley both sink into their old couch and can’t get out. Maybe the whole story should have been about a man-eating sofa. 

 

 

“Haunted House”

Dennis the Menace

Mssrs Wilson and Mitchell think they’re getting a steal on an old rundown house, until they find out that place is…well, you know. Turns out the ‘ghost’ is a squatter living in the basement. All pretty standard stuff as these stories go, helped along a bit by the usually dapper Harold Gould playing the trespassing tramp, and Harvey Korman as the real estate agent who sells the house.

 

“My Master, the Ghostbreaker”

I Dream of Jeannie

Major Nelson inherits a British castle from a distant relative (sure, why not) and Roger and Jeannie accompany him across the pond to check the place out. This is quite possibly the worst episode of I Dream of Jeannie, and is not helped at all by comic Jack Carter attempting an English accent that is worse than Dick Van Dyke’s in Mary Poppins.