The Five Worst Comfort TV Opening Credits Sequences

Remember “Too Many Cooks?” It was a parody of the sweet but corny opening credits sequences found on countless TV shows from the 1970s and ‘80s. 

Like much in this age of fleeting fads it was everywhere for a while and then cast into the pop culture scrap heap. 

I thought they pushed it too far, but before it progressed to twisted extremes it definitely nailed the look and feel of those vintage introductions. You could have inserted the season two credits for Angie into the mix and no one would have been the wiser. 

I’ve always had a particular fondness for credit sequences, because with each new show and sometimes each new season you never knew what you were going to get. It’s an exercise in creative marketing that I compared to movie posters back when I used to collect them.

There is no correlation between the quality of a film and the quality of the poster that promoted its exhibition. Some of the most beautiful and sought-after one-sheets advertised forgettable films, while several classics inspired unimaginative images.

It’s the same with the opening credit sequences. Some matched the quality of the series they introduced. Others did not, but were granted a pass from fans because of their proximity to beloved shows.

No such passes will be given here. In choosing the five worst Comfort TV opening credits sequences, it would be easy to cherry-pick terrible examples from forgotten shows like Sirota’s Court and Misfits of Science. But let’s go after some bigger game. 

Gidget

This is a show about a smart and free-spirited Southern California beach girl in 1965. Surf rock dominated radio that year, with the Beach Boys releasing “Help Me Rhonda” and “California Girls.” As Chandler Bing might say, “Could there be a more natural tie-in?”

But instead of reverb guitars and odes to Wilson brother harmonies, the theme song by Johnny Tillotson sounds like the kind of 1950s pop you’d expect to introduce My Little Margie ten years earlier. If they had to go in that direction, they should have kept the cocktail pop song used in the 1959 Gidget film, sung by James Darren. Even that one has more oomph. 

It’s not just the music that disappoints. The sequence consists of a succession of still photos, not taken from the series, that accomplish something almost impossible – they make Sally Field look less than adorable. 

The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis

The jazz theme is more appropriate to Dobie’s sidekick Maynard G. Krebs, though by the end of the first season TV’s original beatnik had already begun his transition into Gilligan with a goatee. And the crude animation depicting Dobie as a sinister-looking peeping tom also doesn’t match the girl-crazy but mild-mannered character played by Duane Hickman. 

Phyllis

Here we have the opening credit sequence as a 55-second joke, from set-up to punch line. Maybe you think the idea is funny, but is it still funny by episode 17? 

And even though in 1975 we were not yet the hypersensitive nation we’ve since become, I’m surprised more people were not taken aback by an intro that opens with a line of minstrel show performers in blackface. 

The Ropers

This one almost reaches the point where it’s so bad it almost comes around to being good again. Certainly the music has an earworm quality, but just having the cast stand one by one before different colored backdrops and do silly bits of business makes the whole sequence looks like something that was conceived and shot in about 20 minutes. And why is Patricia McCormack playing tennis?

The Lucy Show

I grew up watching this series in syndication, when every episode opened with the Kaleidoscope-style credits that debuted in season four. But in its original run, The Lucy Show tried and discarded other credit sequences that were unworthy of a TV icon.

The show’s third season was introduced with a seemingly random assemblage of episode clips, both black and white and color, that play to overly whimsical music snippets. According to The Lucy Book the visual discrepancy didn’t matter as the series was still being telecast in black and white – but now it just looks sloppy. However, even that attempt was preferable to the one introduced in season five, which had Lucy’s head popping out of an animated jack-in-the-box, while multicolored balls bounced around the screen, with appropriately cheesy musical accompaniment. 

It was used only on one episode before the show reverted back to the previous season’s credits, but has been preserved for posterity on the season five DVD set.

When Bad Episodes Happen to Good TV Shows

I read online that the final season of Game of Thrones will not air until 2019. I don’t watch the show so I’ll not lose sleep over its delay.

But it did make me think of those who find today’s television, particularly the more adult-oriented fare on providers like HBO and Netflix, far superior to the formulaic shows of the past.

I may not share their enthusiasm, but when they tell me these shows are wonderful, I respond that they certainly ought to be, considering it takes them a year or two to come up with 6 or 8 episodes.

This is also why I’ve always thought it was unfair to disparage bad shows from Comfort TV series, when single seasons required as many as 36 original scripts to put into production.

Do bad episodes exist? You already know the answer. From “Lucy and the Monsters” (The Lucy Show) to “The Bewitchin’ Pool” (The Twilight Zone) to “Captain Sligo” (Gunsmoke), almost every television classic occasionally missed the mark, and like most people I skip those episodes when I pull out the DVDs. 

But I have no cause to complain about one or two clunkers. On the contrary, I’m amazed by the remarkable consistency in quality that these series maintained not just over one 24 or 36-episode season, but several.

Was the last season of Bewitched pretty lame and filled with retread stories? Sure, But prior to that the series delivered 228 mostly delightful episodes over seven years.

Did Family Affair misstep by adding the usually welcome Nancy Walker to the Davis household? I’m afraid so. But that final season also delivered gems like “Feat of Clay” and “The Unsinkable Mr. French.” 

And “Homicide and Old Lace” (The Avengers) somehow managed to make John Steed look both dull and silly. But it’s still fun to see Tara King as a blonde.

I remain in awe of what television writers accomplished in this era, on a schedule that seems miraculous today. You look at the “Written by” credit on every episode of I Love Lucy and see the same 4-5 names, over and over, show after show, for 180+ episodes. Try counting up all of the brilliant comedy moments they gave the show’s quartet of stars to play. 

How did Stirling Silliphant write 32 of the 39 (excellent) first-season Naked City episodes? How could Roswell Rogers write more than 100 Father Knows Best shows, all of which are as good or better than those submitted by anyone else? I’ve been a writer for 30 years; I know how challenging it can be to create any type of eloquent and effective prose, even something as simple as this blog. The imagination, inspiration and work ethic exhibited by these writers, directors and actors cannot be understated. 

But that still leaves us with the question of what to do with substandard moments of great shows.

First, let’s distinguish between episodes that just fall short, and those that fail in spectacular ways, since these can be enjoyed on their own terms. A Wonder Woman episode like “Screaming Javelins” is so wondrously bad that I’ve probably watched it more than some of the series’ best shows. 

As for the rest, skipping them is the easy solution. But every so often I challenge myself to find a way to make the viewing experience entertaining. One of my previous blogs explored this very challenge, when I offered five reasons to watch the infamous Star Trek episode “Spock’s Brain.”

Usually I succeed. But sometimes it cannot be done. Try as I might, through at least a half-dozen viewings, I find nothing to celebrate in “The Bad Old Days” from season one of The Dick Van Dyke Show. Its cruelty and atypical misogyny would be out of place in any Comfort TV show, but is particularly grating in a series that featured a woman in the workplace at a time when that was a rarity. “I don’t know what the hell we were doing,” Van Dyke told Vince Waldron in The Official Dick Van Dyke Show Book. “It didn’t work, and we all knew it.” 

But put that into perspective: “The Bad Old Days” was the 28^th show in a 30-show debut season. By then, the series had already aired such now-classic episodes as “My Blonde-Haired Brunette,” “Where Did I Come From?,” “The Curious Thing About Women” and the two-part introduction of Rob’s sleepwalking brother Stacy (Godspeed Jerry Van Dyke). The next four seasons brought us more than 125 more shows that are as fresh and funny today as they were 50 years ago.

So in a popular culture that couldn’t deliver three quality Superman films despite the perfect casting of Christopher Reeve, and spent hundreds of millions of dollars on hit-and-miss Star Wars prequels and sequels, I’ll continue to venerate a television medium that, from the 1950s through the 1980s, went about its business regardless of tight script deadlines and limited budgets, and turned out more quality product than other media achieved with more time and more money. 

The Ten Funniest Situation Comedy Episodes By Decade: The 1960s

The 1960s was the last decade in which situation comedies favored idealized versions of American life. There would be send-ups of current events, from the British invasion to the spy craze, but the humor was always more sweet than cynical, mischievous instead of mean. That was probably a relief to many Americans as the turbulent decade progressed away from the staid status quo of the 1950s into an era of war, assassinations and political turmoil.  

These were the funniest sitcom episodes of the decade. As with the 1950s list, a two-show per series limit still applies – which sadly renders ineligible about 30 more episodes of Get Smart.

The Dick Van Dyke Show

“The Curious Thing About Women” (1962)

While this list is not a top-ten ranking, I wanted this episode to be first because for me it was not just another hilarious show in a brilliant series. Watching it first in syndication as a kid, and many times thereafter, my future career aspirations were inspired by the office scene where Rob, Sally and Buddy develop an unremarkable event (Laura opening Rob’s mail before he gets a chance to read it) into a classic comedy sketch. I can’t think of another scripted moment on TV where the abundant joy of creativity that writers occasionally experience was more perfectly expressed. The scenes with Mary Tyler Moore and the inflatable raft were pretty funny too. 

Bewitched

“The Joker is a Card” (1965)

“Yaga-Zoo-Zee, Yaga-Zoo-Zee, Yaga-Zoo-Zee-Zim!”

Paul Lynde makes his first appearance as Samantha’s practical joke-obsessed Uncle Arthur, and it’s one for the ages. Every moment he’s in this is perfect, especially when he offers to teach Darrin a spell to put Endora in her place. The payoff scene is as celebrated a moment as Bewitched ever produced. 

Get Smart

“Mr. Big” (1965)

Everything that made Get Smart one of the funniest series from any decade was already in place in its first episode, written by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. You got your shoe phone, your Cone of Silence, and a villain sure to incite offense in humorless defenders of political correctness. 

The Lucy Show

“Lucy and Viv Build a Shower” (1963)

While Vivian Vance would remain with The Lucy Show for another two seasons, this episode features the final classic physical comedy sequence that she and Lucy would share. They worked so well together by this time that the shower scene was not even rehearsed before it was filmed. 

Green Acres

“Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You” (1965)

The first season of Green Acres features one long story arc as Oliver and Lisa Douglas leave New York for Hooterville, so Oliver can pursue his farm livin’ dreams. Every episode brings more surreal frustration; here, having just mastered the generator in the previous episode (“You can’t have a 2 with a 6”), he now finally gets his phone installed – at the top of a telephone pole outside his bedroom window. 

The Andy Griffith Show

“The Big House” (1963)

“Here at the rock we have two basic rules…the first rule is…obey all rules.”

Whether it’s Andy or Opie and Aunt Bee or Floyd or even Otis, whomever you meet in Mayberry will make you feel welcome. But if you’re looking for laughs, the episodes featuring Don Knotts’ as Barney Fife cannot be topped. In “The Big House,” the state police temporarily lodge two hold-up men in Mayberry’s jail, allowing Barney to play hard-boiled lawman. They promptly escape – not once but three times. 

Get Smart

“A Man Called Smart, Part 1” (1967)

Of course you’ll want to watch all three parts of this story, which was originally intended for theatrical release. But it’s the first installment that features a masterpiece of slapstick comedy starring Don Adams, a stretcher and a revolving door. Adams, whose distinct voice and catchphrases were a big part of the show’s success, never utters a word throughout the sequence, and still earns huge laughs. There is also an innovative opening chase scene that portends Adams’ association with Inspector Gadget. 

The Dick Van Dyke Show

“Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth” (1965)

The first episode of the show’s fifth and final season contains the most memorable of Carl Reiner’s always-welcome appearances as Alan Brady. The story has Laura going on a game show and getting tricked into revealing that Brady is bald. Rob’s horrified reaction is hilarious, but the highlight finds Laura trying to save her husband’s job. Her confrontation with Alan, as he sits glowering at his desk behind a display of now-useless hairpieces, remains one of the series’ best moments. 

The Beverly Hillbillies

“The Giant Jackrabbit” (1963)

This is probably the most famous episode out of nine seasons, and while I could make a good argument for a few other classics this is one time where I’m content to follow the crowd. The ‘A’ plot has Granny in full Wile E. Coyote mode, trying to trap a kangaroo she mistakes for a jackrabbit. The ‘B’ plot has the Clampetts trying to order food from a caterer – in the annals of funny one-sided phone conversations, this one is up there with the best of the master, Bob Newhart. 

Hogan’s Heroes

“Will the Real Adolf Please Stand Up?” (1966)

Hogan’s Heroes took the evil sting out of the German army through the bumbling antics of Col. Klink and Sgt. Schultz – but what would happen if the neutered Nazis ever met their fuhrer? Here, Sgt. Carter impersonates Hitler, to distract the commandant while Hogan smuggles secret plans to the underground. Larry Hovis creates the funniest take on one of history’s worst monsters since The Producers. 

Next: The 1970s

Checking Into Comfort TV Hospital

 

Here’s another under-appreciated pleasure of classic television from the Comfort TV age: it makes places you’d never want to visit seem less terrible.

I was in the hospital recently and found nothing pleasurable about it. You’re away from your home and your bed, in a big building full of monotonous hallways and colorless rooms. You try to rest but are disturbed by the buzzes and beeps of strange machinery. And the food is worse than what they serve on Delta’s red-eye from Minneapolis to New Jersey.

But watch any popular situation comedy from the 1950s to the 1970s, and there was probably an episode featuring one of the main characters logging some hospital time. And for them, it didn’t seem so bad.

What’s the difference? Classic TV hospital stays typically begin with the patient safely ensconced in their room, skipping past the multiple blood tests, book-length insurance forms, questionnaires that ask male patients if they’ve ever been pregnant, and being asked one’s height and weight by every doctor, nurse and administrator, all of whom write down the responses but none of whom apparently share this paperwork with anyone else in the building.

Of course, the best of part of visiting a classic TV hospital is that everyone gets to leave. Healthy.

Do you have a favorite hospital episode from a classic series? Here are some of mine.

“Lucy Plays Florence Nightingale”

The Lucy Show

Lucy is a volunteer nurse at the hospital where Mr. Mooney is recovering from a broken leg. From the moment you see Mooney in his hospital bed, his injured leg suspended above him, you know he’s about to be subjected to every form of comedic torture the writers can devise. There’s also an inventively choreographed wheelchair chase that plays like something out of a classic silent movie. 

 “Hi!”

The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mary has her tonsils out and gets saddled with the roommate from hell, played by the wonderful Pat Carroll. The episode is probably best remembered, at least among the show’s male viewers, for the sexy nightgown Rhoda slips into Mary’s overnight bag before she leaves for the hospital. 

“That’s My Boy?”

The Dick Van Dyke Show

A flashback episode in which Rob recalls how, after Ritchie was born, he became certain that the hospital gave them the wrong baby. The final scene received the longest laugh in the history of The Dick Van Dyke Show.

“The Candy Striper”

Family Affair

Cissy gets a candy striper job and the head nurse provides only one warning – never give a patient food or drink without consulting with a doctor. And just like Gremlins, you start counting the minutes until she forgets the rule. On the verge of quitting, she returns to the hospital after a pep talk from Uncle Bill and finds a way to balance her compassion with responsibility. 

“Bob Has to Have His Tonsils Out, So He Spends Christmas Eve in the Hospital”

The Bob Newhart Show

The title says it all. Bob is subjected to the indignities of peekaboo hospital gowns, Howard’s hospital horror stories, and an ancient nurse played by the veteran character actress Merie Earle, who gets a laugh with every line she utters. 

“Operation: Tonsils”

The Patty Duke Show

Classic sitcom misunderstanding- Patty overhears her handsome doctor praising the trim lines and beauty of his new boat, and thinks the compliments are all for her.  The doctor is played by one-time matinee idol Troy Donahue. 

“And Then There Were Three”

Bewitched

Tabitha is born in this milestone second season episode, that also features the first appearance of Serena, the ever-acerbic Eve Arden as a confused nurse, and a rare moment in which Darrin and Endora are actually kind to each other.