Christmas in Peekskill: Ranking the Facts of Life Holiday Episodes

 

It took The Facts of Life five seasons to air a Christmas show, but it must have been well received because after that a holiday episode became an annual tradition until the series ended with season nine. I know it’s getting close to Christmas so you may not have time for five visits to Eastland – if that’s the case, I’ve ranked the episodes from worst to first. It’s my holiday gift to you. 

 

 

The Worst

“It’s a Wonderful Christmas”

Season 9

 

I never warmed to Cloris Leachman as Beverly Ann, who replaced Charlotte Rae’s Edna Garrett in Season eight. And this episode focuses mainly on her character, when she becomes convinced that she hasn’t made a difference in anyone’s life. “I wish I never came to Peeksill,” she laments (me too!), and cue the It’s a Wonderful Life pastiche. It’s a trope that can work if done right, as it did on Laverne & Shirley and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. But here it just feels by the numbers. Not even Pippa’s punk rock makeover can save it.

 

 

Slightly Better

“Post-Christmas Card”

Season 8

 

Technically this is an after-Christmas episode that opens with Blair and Jo un-decorating the Christmas tree and discussing New Year’s resolutions. 

 

Then Natalie gets an unexpected “present” – a pre-approved credit card with $3,000 in available funds, ready to spend. Blair talks her into charging 50 bucks for a fancy appointment book, and then the floodgate opens. The holiday references are over after the first scene, but it’s still a more enjoyable show than the last one.

 

Worth Watching

“Christmas Baby”

Season 7

 

The highlight here is Marj Dusay in one of her occasional guest appearances as Monica Warner, Blair’s mother.  

This is the climax of a story arc that began when Monica discovers she’s pregnant in her forties, after being recently divorced. She goes into labor on Christmas Eve, disrupting everyone’s plans but in a most delightful way.

 

Adding narration by the newborn was a bit too cutesy for me, but there are some tender moments along the way that resonate, including when Blair asks Mrs. Garrett to say a prayer that everything will turn out all right. She is reluctant to ask herself, she confesses, because it’s been a while since she last prayed (a line that is noteworthy from Lisa Whelchel, whose Christian faith is well known). “If you have something to ask, it’s okay,” Mrs. Garrett responds,  “God’s listening.”

 

I always appreciate when God gets an occasional shout-out in a Christmas show.

 

When viewers spend seven years with a group of characters, as fans of this series have by the time this episode aired, there’s something rewarding about sharing a happy milestone in their lives. Here we get a Christmas celebration and a new baby – that’s 23 minutes well spent.

 

A Holiday Tradition

“The Christmas Show”

Season 5

 

Jo plans to visit her mother on Christmas, but then her mother takes a second job in Florida over the holidays, leaving Jo, in Tootie’s words, “stuck here with Mrs. Garrett.” Edna doesn’t take too kindly to that sentiment. The other girls hatch a plan to get Jo to Florida, in a way that won’t wound her stubborn pride.

 

This is the most “Christmas-y” of the show’s five holiday episodes, especially in how Edna’s Edibles looks charming decked out for the season. 

 

 

But it’s the always intriguing Blair-Jo dynamic that makes this one a winner. For me, and I guess to most fans, their relationship is the show, and the main reason why it lasted so long. There’s nothing new about the pampered snobby rich girl vs. the tough kid from the streets bit – but this is as well as it was done in the classic TV era.

 

They are two young women with nothing in common who started as bitter enemies, then over the course of nearly a decade found that they had more in common than they knew. The final scene delivers all the heartwarming feels viewers want in a holiday show.

 

A Classic

“Christmas in the Big Hosue”

Season 6

 

I probably like this one more than most, because I’m a sucker for sitcoms that present a musical episode. Blair and her country club friends decide to help the less fortunate by putting on a show for the underprivileged boys residing in the Nickleby House. But on the day of the event Blair discovers that the Nickleby House is actually the recreation hall at a men’s prison, so when the assistant warden arrives to pick her up, she refuses to go. After Jo, Tootie, Natalie and Mrs. Garrett decide to make the trip, Blair reluctantly joins them, but refuses to perform.

 

This is the kind of situation and the kind of impromptu holiday show that could only exist on TV – Jo and Natalie’s duet on “We Need a Little Christmas” would have real convicts asking to return to their cells. Mrs. Garrett fares better singing “O Holy Night,” but Tootie’s shimmying, strutting version of “Jingle Bell Rock” is just embarrassing.

 

After that number the girls are ready to leave, but the assistant warden says he promised the men more show, and asks if they can think up an encore. They can’t, until Mrs. Garrett reminds them that they are the only Christmas those men are going to have this year. Blair, at last, stands up. “I’ll go….it’s my turn, isn’t it?” And she walks silently onto the stage and performs a lovely a capella cover of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” 

 

 

And in that moment the episode is transformed into something special. Maybe those who watched her on The Mickey Mouse Club knew Lisa Whelchel could sing, but I didn’t, so the beauty of that performance was a revelation, and it never fails to put me in the proper holiday spirit.  

 

 

Comfort TV Class Reunion Episodes

 

Last week my high school class celebrated its 40-year reunion. I did not attend, as I now live about 1,700 miles from my high school.

 

Even had I lived closer, however, I probably would have felt out of place. As much as I delight in looking back at television’s past, I do not feel the same nostalgic reassurance dwelling on my own previous life and times. Plus, all of my friends now view the world and its issues differently than I do, which often results in awkward conversations and protracted silences.

 

I did go to my ten-year reunion, which was enjoyable. Most of the guys still had hair (including me) and the girl I crushed on from fourth grade through high school was still beautiful – and still indifferent to me. But ten is the easy one to attend; you don’t have to look down at the badges because the faces are now unfamiliar, and no one expects you to have your life figured out yet.

 

And because these events are so rife with the potential for happiness, sadness, humiliation, rekindled romance, and setting old scores aside, it’s not surprising they have found their way into so many Comfort TV shows. 

 

The most common recurrent theme is a male character arriving with a beautiful woman to show up the girl he once loved, and all of the classmates that viewed him as a loser. It’s amazing how long old slights dwell in our memory banks, leaping out to grab us again when triggered.

 

“I just want to appear successful to these people, that’s all,” says Kip (Tom Hanks) in “The Reunion” (Bosom Buddies). “This is the class that voted me most likely to be on the methadone program.” Kip can’t wait to flaunt stunning girlfriend Sunny (Donna Dixon) – “Can you believe who I’m with?” Meanwhile, Henry (Peter Scolari) is dealing with another emotional trauma generated by reunions – the painful memory of being cruel to a sweet girl who liked him. 

 

 

On The Bob Newhart Show, Mr. Carlin (Jack Riley) couldn’t find an actual girlfriend to escort, so he talked Emily into posing as his wife. And on The Facts of Life, George (George Clooney) convinces Blair (later replaced by Jo) to be his date to impress the one girl who would never go out with him.  Both guys overdo it, as guys tend to do; Carlin tells everyone Emily was a Playboy centerfold; George introduces his date as a duchess and a Nobel Prize winner.

 

 

Wings offered a gender-switched variant on this storyline, in “Remembrance of Flings Past.” Helen, once the fat kid picked on by the cheerleaders, can’t wait to show off her new and improved self – only to find that the clique that once shunned her are still as nasty as ever. 

 

 

Mary Richards had no such problems, of course, having been one of the most popular girls in her teenage years. But in an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show entitled “Didn’t You Used to Be…Wait Don’t Tell Me,” even the former Viking Queen of Leif Ericson High has a lousy time at her reunion, when only ten other classmates show up (one of whom is played by the always annoying Richard Schaal). 

 

 

Donna Stone, as practically perfect in every way as Mary Richards, also had her share of calamities at her college reunion, including a black eye and her husband’s persistent grilling over an old boyfriend named Duke. But this Donna Reed Show episode (“Donna Goes To a Reunion”) features by far the most elegant soiree on this list, though I’d expect nothing less from Donna’s alma mater.

 

 

Didn’t anyone in TV land enjoy themselves at these affairs? John Walton did, though at first he dreaded the thought of his high school class returning for their reunion. As the only graduate who stayed on Walton’s Mountain, he was sure he’d be looked down on as the class disappointment.  But he discovers instead that his classmates hold him in the highest esteem, and that few achievements in this life are as great as raising a happy, loving family. “The Prophecy” delivers a message that used to be more prevalent, and one that we need to hear more often now.

 

I’m sure I missed a few other examples of this trope, but surely none could be more bizarre than the one that aired early in Taxi’s first season. In “High School Reunion,” Louis (Danny DeVito) dreads the prospect of his 20-year reunion. Bobby (Jeff Conaway) attends in his place, pulling off a surprisingly accurate Louis impersonation – until Louis himself shows up and the event ends in a pile of rubble and broken bodies. 

 

 

Thankfully, from the photos I’ve seen, my 40^th reunion wrapped up with no property damage and everyone still upright. And on second thought, I’m kind of sorry I missed it now.

Comfort TV Court: Three More Cases

 

In the compendium of classic TV tropes, a courtroom episode is right up there with amnesia and visits from eccentric relatives. In fact it's actually more difficult to find shows that never featured a character standing before a judge. So let's delve into the docket once more for three memorable visits to Comfort TV Court.

 

Data vs. Starfleet

Star Trek: The Next Generation

 

From season two, “The Measure of a Man” is almost universally regarded as the moment this series first achieved greatness. It had been very good before that (“The Big Goodbye,” “Datalore”), but here was an episode that would rival the best entries from every Star Trek franchise.

 

The story: robotics expert Bruce Maddox wants to dismantle and study Data, with the hope of replicating the technology that created him. Data doesn’t believe the expert is up to the task, and Captain Picard does not want to lose a fine bridge officer.  But Maddox claims Data is the property of Starfleet, and doesn’t have the right to refuse his orders, any more than a starship gets to decide where it wants to go.

 

The conflict is resolved at a makeshift trial, with Picard arguing Data’s case, and (because of a technicality dictated by the circumstances) Commander Riker heading up the prosecution. 

 

The brilliant Melinda Snodgrass script delves into opposing ideas regarding sentience, ethics, and self-determination, and even sort of acknowledges the possibility of individuals having souls, a rare departure from a series with a stubbornly humanist perspective. 

 

 

Who’s That Judge?
Amanda McBroom is best known as a singer-songwriter whose shows always sell out at New York cabarets, but she’s also wonderful here as JAG Captain Phillipa Louvois. 

 

Her antagonism with Picard dates from a previous judicial run-in, and she clearly delights in taking the supercilious Captain down a peg or two. But there is clearly mutual respect there as well.

 

Blair Warner vs. Jo Polniaczek

The Facts of Life

 

In “The Rich Aren’t Different,” Jo borrows Blair’s watch (without asking) and breaks it during a basketball game. “At least it’s no great loss,” she tells her. “How many watches do you have? 20? 30?” That cavalier attitude toward the matter angers Blair enough to take her to small claims court.

 

Usually if there’s a lesson to be learned from their clashes, it’s Blair whose spoiled outlook needs adjusting. But here it’s Jo who comes to the realization that her actions were insensitive, regardless of how easily Blair could afford to replace the broken watch: “Okay, I’m rich. But my things still deserve respect.”

 

As with so many Facts of Life episodes, the story unfolds with crisp, quippy dialogue and punch lines every 20-30 seconds, and then slows down for one scene in which the writers dig deeper for a more substantive conversation that brings characters out of their simple stereotypes and reminds us of why we care about them in the first place.

 

Unfortunately, to get to that scene you’ll have to endure several silly grandiose courtroom outbursts from Tootie. “One more word out of you and I’ll send you to traffic school!” the judge cautions, much to the relief of the audience.

 

Who’s That Judge?
Elliot Reid was a veteran character actor who once starred opposite Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and also wrote episodes of The Love Boat and Lou Grant. Not sure what’s he’s doing slumming here.

 

Peter Tork vs. Mr. Zero

The Monkees

 

Peter admires a beautiful harp in a pawn shop window. The shop’s owner, Mr. Zero, gives it to him, along with the knowledge on how to play it - in exchange for the deed to his soul. 

 

 

“The Devil and Peter Tork” is a fan-favorite episode from the series’ second and final season that contains some of the best dialogue in any Monkees show. By this time the quartet had stopped caring as much about the series, as they were more focused on the music once they were given creative control.  But they must have recognized something in this script that deserved their best effort. Mike’s speech at the end of the trial still resonates with anyone who loves to make music. 

 

Who’s That Judge?

Billy Beck as Roy Bean, the infamous hanging judge of the Old West (though that reputation, like that of so many others within that historic era, was greatly exaggerated). Over more than 50 years Beck appeared in guest spots on dozens of shows, including The New Monkees.

The Unshakeables: Tootie’s Tantrum

When I introduced the idea of The Unshakeables in an earlier blog, I used the term to describe episodes of TV shows that lingered in the memory long after they had ended. They were powerful in a way that most shows – even good shows – are not.

My first nominee was a potent and prescient episode of The Bold Ones: The Lawyers. So you might be surprised that the next episode selected for this status comes from a sitcom that was not award-winning, groundbreaking or even consistently funny. In fact, The Facts of Life was often mocked for its frequent reliance on “very special episodes” that tackled weightier topics in such a heavy-handed way that it undercut their sincerity.

But the season three episode “Starstruck” stuck with me because of a scene that would normally be the last thing I’d want to watch ­­– a temper tantrum. 

It is triggered when Mrs. Garrett tells Tootie that she cannot attend a Jermaine Jackson concert, despite Tootie being president of his fan club, and receiving free tickets from the concert promoter. There is a charity event scheduled for the same night that they had agreed to attend prior to finding out about the show, and Mrs. Garrett believes that commitment should be honored.

But Tootie is having none of it. 

This was a scene that, had it been played at the same level as every other scene in the series, would not be particularly memorable. Like most Comfort TV era sitcoms, The Facts of Life was content to stay within an established emotional range. There would be scenes when characters would be joyful or sad or angry, but their feelings would be expressed in a way that was consistent with how its stories are told.

Here, however, Kim Fields was allowed to break through those limits. Tootie’s desperation to attend that concert reaches a frenzied emotional pitch that takes not just Mrs. Garrett by surprise, but the viewers as well.

I remember that moment from when the episode first aired. I was doing something else at the time, but the frantic sounds coming from the TV drew me back into the show, and startled me with their intensity even then.

Charlotte Rae also plays the moment well: “We’ll go,” she says quietly, visibly shaken, as Tootie collapses into her arms, sobbing. “It’s all right. We’ll go.” Any anger over Tootie’s defiance has been displaced by disbelief. 

That decision doesn’t sit well with the other girls, who deride Mrs. Garrett for giving in. “I’ve got to work on my kicking and screaming,” Natalie quips.

“This wasn’t a tantrum, girls,” she responds. “You didn’t see her. She was…hysterical. Oh, she was going to go to that concert if she had to jump out the window and run all the way to the city.”

Jo: “Come on, Mrs. Garrett, not Tootie.”

Mrs. Garrett: “That’s right. Not our Tootie. But right now, she’s not our Tootie.”

Blair: “Do you think taking Tootie to the concert’s gonna help?”

Mrs. Garrett: “At this point, it’s the only thing I can do.”

If “Starstruck” delivered only a study of the force of celebrity worship, it would be memorable. But it also shows what can happen when that fantasy of meeting your idol crashes into a hard reality. 

After the concert Tootie goes backstage to meet Jermaine. It doesn't go well. 

It's a scene that will likely resonate with a lot of people who got to have a moment with someone famous they have admired from afar - myself included. At one point I felt a strong attachment to a particular TV personality, and after a period of time established a connection with that person – but it turned out little better than what happens to Tootie here. Long time ago, well over it, but it’s soul-crushing at the time.

Yet another reason why, in this case, a very special episode of The Facts of Life actually is kind of special.

Five Pieces You Won’t See on Comfort TV

If I didn’t have to work for a living, I’m sure I could update this blog twice a week for the rest of my life, and never run out of topics to explore.

The problem has never been ideas but having enough time to write about them. However, that doesn’t mean all my ideas are good. Here are five pieces I considered, and in some cases even started, but then abandoned because there just wasn’t enough ‘there’ there.

Top TV Moments: Marj Dusay

Most TV fans may recognize Marj Dusay from extended stints on Santa Barbara, All My Children and Guiding Light. But prior to her love-in-the-afternoon days, Dusay also had a busy career guest starring on dozens of Comfort TV staples, from Bonanza to The Bionic Woman.

When I looked back on her career I found a few unique moments, such as her appearances in Hogan’s Heroes and as a villainous space-babe in the infamous Star Trek episode “Spock’s Brain.” 

However, most of her roles were standard wife and girlfriend parts on shows like Mannix and Quincy, and not really worth seeking out. It wouldn’t surprise me if Dusay kept getting stuck with scripts already turned down by Lee Meriwether, who had a similar look but bigger name recognition thanks to her Miss America crown.

The Oliver Awards: Saluting Classic TV’s Most Unnecessary Characters

This one seemed stale before I even began to write it. Classic TV fans should already be weary of dumping on Cousin Oliver and Ricky Segall and Scrappy-Doo.

There would have been less prominent nominees as well: How could a show called Eight is Enough ignore its own title and introduce a ninth kid? The addition of Jeremy (Ralph Macchio) sadly disrupted the family chemistry in the series' fifth and final season.

I also skip the Father Knows Best episodes featuring landscaper Frank (pronounced ‘Fronk’ for some inexplicable reason). And I still wonder how Wings’ Budd Bronski was ever considered a worthy replacement for fan-favorite Lowell. 

Seven Great Characters Trapped in Substandard Shows

That’s a good title, isn’t it? I thought it might be interesting to celebrate memorable television characters that were not memorable enough to save their respective series. Think Robert Urich as the egotistical, womanizing talk show host Paul Thurston on Tabitha, or Jack Sheldon as John Davidson’s spaced out brother in The Girl With Something Extra. 

From Joanna Cassidy in 240-Robert to Delta Burke in Filthy Rich, there are several intriguing nominees, but then the entire piece would be about shows that very few people have watched, or would be interested in watching. I still might do it, though. If I do forget I said anything here.

Top TV Moments: Brenda Benet

I’ve probably started this piece a dozen times over the past year, only to postpone it again in favor of other topics. It’s hard to write about Brenda Benet without feeling sad, and if you know anything of her life you already know why.

She has such wonderful Comfort TV credentials, having been married to both Paul Petersen and Bill Bixby, and she left some really interesting work behind. But knowing what life held in store for her, it sometimes makes it difficult to watch her in lighthearted shows like Wonder Woman, Fantasy Island and Love, American Style.

The Facts of Life book I Almost Wrote

About 15 years ago, I had a fairly long exchange of phone calls and emails with Lisa Whelchel’s ‘people’ about either writing a TV companion book to The Facts of Life, or serving as Whelchel’s ghost writer or editor on a book about the series. 

Obviously nothing came of this, and there still hasn’t been a book about the show. But there were some interesting ideas tossed around back then, and looking back I think it would have been a fun project to work on.

My guess is that the interviews would have been easy to arrange through Whelchel’s help, with Nancy McKeon as the only critical “will she or won’t she” project participant. George Clooney and Molly Ringwald would have been long shots, but I’m guessing Julie Anne Haddock might have been available. 

I never spoke to Lisa directly about the book. Had that happened this would have been a more appealing ‘what might have been’ story. But I didn’t, so it’s not. My one chance to meet Pippa, gone forever. 

It’s Not a Rip-Off – It’s an Homage

Classic TV fans are used to seeing certain stories told over and over across different situation comedies. Think about student-teacher crush episodes, or shows in which a character gets assigned to jury duty, or watching a stable household get turned upside down after a visit from an eccentric relative.

These recurring plots are somewhat derisively referred to as tropes. But Comfort TV fans enjoy their familiarity, and discovering how each show puts its own spin on a time-honored premise.

Occasionally, however, one comes across two episodes where the similarities are more precise. It could be a coincidence – or it could be a situation where a writer hopes no one will make the connection.

In its fifth and final season, The Dick Van Dyke Show presented an episode entitled “The Curse of the Petrie People” (1966), written by Dale McRaven and Carl Kleinschmitt. 

It opens at a party at the Petrie residence, where Rob’s parents present Laura with the “family heirloom” – a huge and hideous gold brooch in the shape of the United States. 

She dreads having to wear it, but to keep peace with her in-laws she agrees to do so – until it’s accidentally mangled in the garbage disposal. Mother Petrie expects to see it at a family dinner next week – what will Laura do?

Fast-forward 22 years to “Present Imperfect,” an episode from the final season of The Facts of Life. 

In this story, written by Howard Leeds, Ben Starr and Jerry Mayer, Tootie receives a huge and hideous pendant from the grandmother of her fiancée, Jeff. She dreads having to wear it, but to keep peace with a future in-law she agrees to do so – until it’s accidentally mangled in a blender. Jeff’s grandmother will expect to see it later that day – what will Tootie do?

Of the two versions The Dick Van Dyke Show mined several more laughs out of the set-up, particularly in the scene when Laura and Millie go to a jewelry store and try to have the piece repaired (the jeweler, upon examining the remains of the America-shaped brooch: “Would you settle for Czechoslovakia?”).

By contrast, the Facts of Life version is uninspired, not surprising for a show that was running on fumes since Charlotte Rae left. Worse, its garish ‘80s fashions and hairstyles almost make the pendant look tasteful and understated by comparison.

Here’s another one: “That Shoplifter” was an episode of That Girl from its fifth and final season. Ann Marie is working in Dawson’s Department Store, as she’s between acting jobs. A man introduces himself as the store’s head of security and offers her a chance to pick up some extra money by posting as a shoplifter. The idea is to test the store’s salespeople, and assess whether they are observant enough to catch her. 

That sets up several amusing sequences of Ann cleverly stealing everything that’s not nailed down – until she discovers her accomplice is not who he claims.

It’s a clever idea from writer Arnold Horwitt, and you’d never guess where it turned up again. Would you believe The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show?

In “No Cash and Carry,” Pebbles takes a job at Gimbelstone’s Department Store. She is approached by a man who introduces himself as Fagenstone, the chief store detective. He wants her to test the store’s security by stealing as much as she can. Pebbles starts stealing, and Fagenstone happily drives away with the hot merchandise.

The first pair of similar shows could conceivably be explained as coincidence, though the plot point around which both revolve is specific enough to raise questions. But with the second pair, there is enough circumstantial evidence to imply appropriation. How fitting that it would happen with a story about stealing!

If I were prosecuting this case, I’d observe that both shows aired in 1971: “That Shoplifter” in February, “No Cash and Carry” in November. Both scripts include the same joke about Ann/Pebbles seeing her picture in the post office. Both also have friends telling them they can’t call the police because they’d never believe their story, resulting in an attempt to capture the phony store employee themselves.

True, Ann Marie never had to contend with Bad Luck Schleprock, but it’s stretching credibility to believe the same story wasn’t just transferred from Manhattan to Bedrock. 

So who (allegedly) wrote it? There’s no way to know – the same seven people received ‘story’ credit for every episode of The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show. We’ve got a solid case, but our suspect remains at large.

Classic TV Two-Part Episodes: Hits and Misses

 

Theoretically the two-part episode is an option that should be utilized only in conjunction with a major milestone in a series (births, deaths, new character introductions, weddings, big name guest star) or when a writer comes up with an idea that is so good, it deserves a little extra breathing room to be fully explored.

But think back over the hundreds of two-parters presented in the Comfort TV era – how many of them really needed more time to tell their stories?

Having conducted my own informal study, I would say the results are about 50/50. Too often, these shows were a marketing ploy to leverage the built-in ‘event’ status afforded to super-sized episodes. That’s why they were used so often to open or close a season.

When there is legitimate reason for a “continued next week” freeze-frame, the result is often one of the most memorable moments in a series – think “The Menagerie” on Star Trek, “Fearless Fonzarelli” on Happy Days or “Carnival of Thrills” on The Dukes of Hazzard.

And when there is not enough content to justify a second episode, we’re left with a story that might have worked as a single show, padded and stretched to fill out a longer running time.

This is a big topic and one that may be revisited in a future blog, but for now here are five examples of when TV got it right – and five underwhelming misses.

Good: Family Ties: “The Real Thing”

Alex Keaton had no shortage of girlfriends in the first three seasons of Family Ties, but when he meets Ellen Reed early in season four, the show wanted to make sure we knew this was going to be different. Their opposites-attract romance, bolstered by the strains of Billy Vera’s “At This Moment,” was a major turning point for Alex and for Michael J. Fox, who is still married to the girl that played Ellen, Tracy Pollan. 

Bad: Charlie’s Angels: “Terror on Skis”

A typical Angels plot – protect a government agent from foreign radicals – is hampered by scene after scene of monotonous stock footage of people skiing during the day, at night, and in freestyle competitions. I had a little inside information on this one, having interviewed the episode’s writer, Ed Lakso, for my Charlie’s Angels book. He readily confessed to padding out the story to justify a location shoot in Vail, Colorado, because his wife wanted to go skiing. 

Good: The Dick Van Dyke Show: “I Am My Brother’s Keeper/The Sleeping Brother”

These episodes introduced Dick Van Dyke’s brother Jerry, playing Rob Petrie’s brother, Stacy. The bizarre plot has Stacy trying to break into show business but only being able to perform while he’s asleep (due to a rare, advanced form of sleepwalking). Despite that contrivance the shows are smart and funny, particularly during the cast performances at those Bonnie Meadow Rd. house parties that always made the suburbs looks so cool and sophisticated. 

Bad: Eight is Enough: “And Baby Makes Nine”

Flashbacks are a convenient way to stretch a story, but no two episodes abused that privilege more than the Season 5 opener of Eight is Enough. The saga of Susan’s difficult delivery of her baby not only offers numerous looks back at her romance with and marriage to Merle, it also reprises scenes that aired just ten minutes earlier in the same episode. Why not just play the theme song again while you’re at it?

Good: Get Smart: “A Man Called Smart”

The only thing tougher to pull off than a great two-part episode? A great three-part episode. But the laughs never fizzle in “A Man Called Smart,” an adventure originally conceived for theatrical release but re-cut for the series. One physical comedy sequence with a stretcher and a revolving door is as funny as anything that’s ever been on television. 

Bad: Mission: Impossible: “The Contender”

For all its many outstanding qualities, M:I never got a two-part episode right. I chose “The Contender” because the plot was particularly weak – capturing a guy who fixes prize fights seems beneath the IMF – but I also could have gone with “The Slave” or “The Council” or “The Controllers.” Viewers were accustomed to seeing the team solve any problem in an hour, and writers could never dream up any good reason for some missions to take longer.

Good: The Bionic Woman: “Doomsday is Tomorrow”

Where Mission: Impossible struggled with the two-part format, The Bionic Woman flourished. From the irresistible “Fembots in Las Vegas” to “Deadly Ringer,” the shows that earned Lindsay Wagner an Emmy, the series was always at its best with multi-episode storylines. My favorite is “Doomsday is Tomorrow,” in which Jaime must figure out how to shut off a computerized weapon (with a HAL 9000 voice) capable of destroying all life on earth. 

Bad: The Facts of Life: “Teenage Marriage”

So many shows have built two-part episodes around potential crises that cannot possibly come to pass, lest it mean the end of the series. Here, Mrs. Garrett and the Eastland girls try to prevent Jo from marrying her boyfriend. Had Nancy McKeon announced she was leaving the show, we might have bought into the conflict; but this was her first season, and we all knew she wasn’t going anywhere, extra episode or not.

Good: Little House on the Prairie: “I’ll Be Waving as You Drive Away”

The Ingalls family face their darkest hour when Mary loses her sight after a bout with scarlet fever. The scene where Charles must tell his daughter the diagnosis, while barely able to control his own heartbreak, is devastating. Mary attends a school for the blind, where she gradually comes to terms with her fate in a hopeful finale.  

Bad: Laverne & Shirley: “The Festival”

When a two-part episode is inspired by a road trip, it helps if we actually see the characters go somewhere. Here, Laverne, Shirley, Lenny, Squiggy, Frank and Edna all “travel” from Milwaukee to New York, but all they really do is visit a different part of the studio backlot. Not much fun to be had, unless you enjoy watching Penny Marshall climb a greased metal pole.

(Dis)Comfort TV #3: Five Classic Comfort TV Halloween Episodes

 

And now, after our detour last week into the bizarre world of the Paul Lynde Halloween Special, here are five more traditional Halloween shows to enhance your holiday celebration.

 “Halloween”

The Facts of Life

Was Edna’s Edibles inspired by Sweeney Todd? The Eastland girls begin to wonder if the ghost of the murderous Grisly Gertie has possessed Mrs. Garrett, especially after a kindly old man disappears from her kitchen. Did he become the secret ingredient in her famous Halloween bratwurst? Oh, if only they actually went there, and then used Edna’s hidden lust for homicide to explain the season one departures of Nancy, Sue Ann, Molly and Cindy. 

One of the trick-or-treating kids in this episode (the little girl dressed like Gretel from Hansel and Gretel) was played by Stefanie Ridel, who grew up to become a rock star in the band Wild Orchid, and later a television writer who penned three episodes of Hannah Montana.

“The One With the Halloween Party”

Friends

So much to like here – Monica as Catwoman confronting Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl; Lisa Kudrow reprising Phoebe’s vacuous sister, Ursula, and Ursula’s fiancé being played by Sean Penn, a reminder of just how prominent this series was in its heyday. And as with The Facts of Life we have yet another unexpected Hannah Montana connection – one of the trick-or-treaters here is played by Emily Osment.

A mid-episode discussion about which friends could beat up which other friends ends in an arm-wrestling match between Ross and Chandler, that will be familiar to anyone who has ever watched the series’ blooper reels. Note the very quick close-up of Chandler’s face – that’s the most they could salvage after several blown takes. 

“Twitch or Treat”

Bewitched

Halloween was a natural inspiration for Bewitched, which featured several holiday- themed episodes. This season 3 effort was my favorite thanks to the appearance of Uncle Arthur, who always brings out Samantha’s mischievous side. Watch how gleefully she participates in bamboozling her Councilman (summoned by Mrs. Kravitz, of course) before he can crash Endora’s Halloween party. 

Best moments: Arthur heckling Endora’s recitation of “Twas the Night Before Halloween,” and a cameo from baseball legend Willie Mays, who was outed as a warlock but still made the Hall of Fame.  

 “Halloween With the Addams Family”

The Addams Family

Every day is Halloween at the Addams residence, but the actual holiday always brings special surprises – in this case, two escaped bank robbers who take refuge in the Addams’ home until the coast is clear. After dodging the family lion and bobbing for live crabs, they realize they’d be safer in jail. Don Rickles plays one of the crooks.

What I love about the Addams family is how gracefully they treat every guest, regardless of the often-horrified reactions to their hospitality. Despite their eccentricities they remain one of the kindest and most open-minded families ever depicted on television. 

“The Gift of Life”

Wings

Wings remained consistently entertaining right through in its eighth and final season, and “The Gift of Life” is an underrated episode from an underrated series. When a medical courier leaves a cooler in the Nantucket airport, brothers Joe and Brian believe it contains a heart scheduled for transplant into a prominent politician. Actually, it contains an entirely different substance, to be used in the insemination of a horse. Best moment: The Hackett boys burst into a Boston hospital and announce, “Out of our way – what we have here belongs in a United States Senator!”