Mom’s Drunk, Dad Left, and the Homecoming Queen is Pregnant: The ABC Afterschool Specials

 

Television’s first executives and programmers had high aspirations for the medium. They believed this new technology could be used to inform, enlighten, and raise the standards of American culture. But then TV networks found they got higher ratings with wrestling than the New York Philharmonic, and all those hopes and dreams perished.

  

Still, every so often somebody tries to do something right: Omnibus, Sesame Street, Life is Worth Living, and yes, though they earned their share of derision then and now, the ABC Afterschool Specials. 

If you grew up with them as I did, they may seem like relics of the 1970s and early ‘80s; but the network kept making them long after you stopped watching. The first show aired in 1972; the last one in 1997! That means all those troubled teens from season 1 were over 40 by the time school finally let out forever.

I have no memory of any of them after 1982 or so. And my guess is that the kids and teens of the 1990s don’t share the episodes of that time as a generational memory – by then there were already dozens of cable stations, and issue-driven stories for younger people were no longer a novelty.

That’s what made the first shows so revelatory– no one else in the 1970s was aiming this type of content directly at teenagers at an hour they were more likely to be watching TV. Just as Phil Donahue was bringing family skeletons out of the closet – alcoholism, drug use, teen pregnancy – and discussing them on his daily talk show, the Afterschool Specials turned them into earnest 45-minute dramas that won dozens of Daytime Emmys.

Of course, not every Special featured such heavy subjects – others looked at how our times were changing. Remember Jodie Foster in “Rookie of the Year,” about a girl who wanted to play for a boy’s little league team?

Here are my picks for the 10 most memorable Afterschool Specials (which isn’t the same as the 10 best, as you’ll discover from the reviews). Some are among the 24 shows released on DVD. The sets are long out of print but worth seeking out – the nostalgic Trapper Keeper-style cases were a particularly inspired touch. 

Sara’s Summer of the Swans

It’s my blog so I get to start with my favorite. Based on the book by prolific, award-winning novelist Betsy Byars, “Sara’s Summer of the Swans” explores the challenges of growing up with a special needs sibling. But it’s really also about learning to let other people into your life, even if you’re not sure they’ll like it there. That message resonated with me when it first aired, and it’s one I still need to hear from time to time. This is a simple, heartfelt story that exemplifies how enriching these shows can be at their best. And for classic TV fans it has two ex-Bradys (Eve Plumb and Christopher Knight) in supporting roles.

Psst! Hammerman’s After You

The two preeminent school bully dramas of my generation are this Afterschool Special and the 1980 film My Bodyguard. What makes “Hammerman” a little more interesting is that the victim, nicknamed Mouse, is not completely blameless for his plight; in fact, he was pretty much asking for it.

Me and Dad’s New Wife

Adjustment to divorce and stepparents was a frequent Afterschool topic.  I thought it was handled better in other installments, such as “The Bridge of Adam Rush” and “A Family of Strangers,” but more people seem to remember “Me and Dad’s New Wife.” This may be due to a cast regularly featured on Tiger Beat covers – Kristy McNichol, Lance Kerwin and Leif Garrett.

It Must Be Love (Cause I Feel so Dumb!)

Anyone who has ever suffered though unrequited love will identify with poor Eric, a short, awkward 13 year-old who’s got it bad for cheerleader ‘it’ girl Lisa. We’ve all been there, kid. The ending is a bit of a cop-out, though.

Schoolboy Father

The young people on these shows often take on adult responsibilities faster than their peers, either from their own transgressions or someone else’s. Such trials also inspired “Francesca Baby,” the heartbreaking “A Matter of Time” and the unfortunately titled “Daddy, I’m Their Mama Now.” But “Schoolboy Father” became the quintessential treatment, if not the quintessential Afterschool Special. Rob Lowe plays the title character, opposite Dana Plato and Nancy McKeon. 

It Isn’t Easy Being a Teenage Millionaire

Usually you wouldn’t want to trade places with the characters on these shows; here’s the exception. Melissa, 14, wins the lottery, but discovers that sudden wealth isn’t the answer to every problem. And before you ask, yes, minors can legally win lotteries if they receive the ticket as a gift. 

Dear Lovey Hart: I Am Desperate

This is another of my favorites, partly because there’s more humor than is typically found in these shows, and party because of Susan Lawrence, an appealing young actress who should have graduated to bigger and better roles (if you know her at all, it’s from Dr. Shrinker). Here, she plays a student who writes an ill-fated advice column for her high school paper.  

Stoned

Stories of drug and alcohol abuse among teens are synonymous with Afterschool Specials, but surprisingly the series didn’t broach either topic until its eighth season. One year later, Stoned starred Scott Baio as a popular teen jock who tries marijuana and graduates to cocaine and LSD. Reefer Madness overtones aside, Chachi can act and helps keep the story grounded. And this is still better than “Desperate Lives,” in which Helen Hunt cooks up some PCP in her high school chemistry lab and jumps out a high-rise window. 

Which Mother is Mine?

Melissa Sue Anderson plays Alex, a popular teen living in a happy home with her adoptive parents – yeah, you know that’s not going to last. Sure enough, Alex’s biological mother has finally kicked her booze problem and sues for full custody. At first you’ll hate her as much as Alex does, but the observant script is fair and honest in portraying all sides of a difficult issue.

What are Friends For?
New girl in town Amy begins an awkward friendship with eccentric neighbor Michelle Mudd, who like Amy is a child of divorce. “What are Friends For?” makes the list for one scene, which was shot and edited like something out of a horror movie. The first time it aired, it made a whole generation of kids jump back from their TVs at the same time. 

Did I miss your favorite? Let me know!

(Dis)Comfort TV #4: The 7 Most Intimidating Classic TV Characters

 

Now that Halloween is here, you may have had your fill of silly scary shows, and are ready for the real thing. If you prefer to celebrate the holiday with the most frightening, most despicable, most intimidating characters ever to appear on a classic TV show, here they are.

Aunt Fran

Family Affair

“Oh, come on,” you say. “There were no scary villains on Family Affair.” But let’s take a closer look at Aunt Fran. An adorable six year-old girl named Buffy is left in her care after losing her parents in a car accident. Aunt Fran drags the already traumatized child from Indiana to New York, and abandons her with a distant relative because her husband doesn’t like kids. She gives no thought to whether Buffy will be happy in her new home, or whether Bill has any clue on how to be a parent.

That would be heartless enough. But after Buffy is reunited with her siblings, and safely ensconced in Uncle Bill’s deluxe apartment in the sky, Fran returns. And, like the witch in Hansel & Gretel, she uses bribery and other nefarious means to lure the Davis children back into her evil clutches. Aunt Fran was TV’s worst parental figure until Walter White began cooking meth.

The Sleestaks

Land of the Lost

Ok, maybe they look a little silly now. But if you were the right age in 1974, the malevolent, reptilian Sleestaks creeped you out. The Marshall family’s adventures were played fairly straight in this Sid & Marty Krofft classic, so the threat from these bug-eyed monsters seemed genuine even if the violence remained well within Saturday morning TV standards. The reason you never saw more than three of them was that the Kroffts could only afford to make three costumes. And here’s some more Sleestak trivia – they were played by college basketball players, including future Detroit Pistons goon Bill Laimbeer. 

Miles Drentell

Thirtysomething

Sometimes monsters look just like the rest of us. And for anyone who has ever worked in an office, a boss like Miles Drentell will inspire more nightmares than every slasher movie ever made. Masterfully played by David Clennon, the amoral, sociopath ad man would delight in pitting employees against each other for his own amusement, and manipulating the honest (if somewhat whiny) Michael Steadman (Ken Olin) into compromising his principles to keep his paycheck.

In one of the series’ most memorable two-part stories, Michael and his friend and coworker Eliot try to wrest control of the agency away from their evil boss. Their plan fails. But rather than fire the mutineers, Miles keeps them around so he can devise further tortures for his favorite victims. 

Marv Hammerman

ABC Afterschool Special

There are two kinds of kids – the bullies and the bullied. Very few of us are fortunate enough to escape childhood without at least one traumatic altercation with someone who is bigger, stronger, or just meaner.

Stories about bullies are abundant in comfort TV sitcoms, from Lumpy Rutherford in Leave it to Beaver to Buddy Hinton on The Brady Bunch. But “Psst! Hammerman’s After You!” perfectly captured the impending dread over a confrontation with a sixth-grade executioner. Most of these stories end with the combatants finding a way to resolve their differences, but that cop-out would not do for an Afterschool Special.

Mrs. Peacock

The X-Files

The “Home” episode of The X-Files was notorious and with good reason. This was the first and only time this show was preceded by a viewer discretion warning, but it’s still inconceivable how this content got past network censors in 1996.

The story was twisted enough – Mulder and Scully are dispatched to Home, Pennsylvania, where a shallow grave has been discovered, containing a severely deformed infant. The investigation leads to a remote farmhouse inhabited by the sadistic, inbred Peacock brothers. But when the agents pull Mrs. Peacock out from under the bed, viewer garments were soiled across the nation. It’s a moment that ranks with the ending of Carrie as a jump out of your seat shock.

BOB

Twin Peaks

“He is BOB

Eager for fun

He wears a smile

Everybody run”

If an explanation is necessary, you’ve never watched Twin Peaks. Almost every scene of every episode was unsettling, particularly in the masterpiece-level first season. But in a handful of silent cameos, (taken together, they add up to less than one minute of screen time) BOB slithered into the nightmarish visions of several town residents, and scared the heck out of me as well. The horrific, savage murder of Maddy Ferguson by a grinning BOB may be the series’ most disturbing moment. 

The Serial Killer

Alfred Hitchcock Presents

There were many memorable episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, but none more suspenseful than “An Unlocked Window” from 1965. The premise is familiar – a serial killer who targets live-in nurses is on the loose. That understandably frightens two live-in nurses tending to an elderly patient in (of course) an isolated mansion in (of course) a remote part of town. On a stormy night, the killer calls the home and tells the nurses he’s on his way. The two nurses do what they can to secure the house, but one of them later discovers a basement window that nobody locked. The slow-building tension reaches a crescendo rarely equaled even by Hitchcock’s classic film work.