Monday, February 17, 2020

Television’s Tough Guy: Robert Conrad


In 1999 I wrote an article on The Wild, Wild West for Cowboys & Indians magazine, to coincide with the release of a movie adaptation of the series.

I contacted Robert Conrad’s publicist to ask if he had any comment on the film, which cast Will Smith in his iconic role of James West. 



A few days later I pressed the blinking ‘play’ button on my answering machine and heard Mr. Conrad’s voice. He thanked me for asking but politely turned down the interview request, adding: “Not only do I not want to talk about that film, I don’t even plan to see it.”

Turns out he was not alone in that decision.

As I’m sure you know he passed away recently, and is still being mourned by those like me who remember the time when he was on television as often as the My Pillow guy is now. He had been in poor health for a while, but not poor enough to turn down any chance to meet his fans, as my friend and fellow TV blogger Mitchell Hadley recalled. I’m sorry I never had the opportunity to shake his hand.

The Wild, Wild West remains the crown jewel in his television legacy, but it was not his first hit series. That would be Hawaiian Eye, a private detective drama that aired from 1959 to 1963. With his Brylcreem textured pompadour Conrad looked a little like James Dean back then – if Dean had a chiseled six-pack and voted for Eisenhower. 



I don’t know it well. It is one of a slew of ‘50s/’60s Warner Bros. detective shows (77 Sunset Strip, Bourbon Street Beat, Surfside Six) that have never been released on DVD. And the odds of Hawaiian Eye coming out are even more remote since many episodes included songs performed by lounge singer Cricket Blake (Connie Stevens), likely forever relegating the series to music rights purgatory. 



Two years after that show ended, Conrad returned to the small screen in one of the most daringly original and flat-out entertaining series ever devised.

The parallels between unflappable Secret Service agent James West and British Secret Service agent James Bond were not coincidence. Michael Garrison, who created The Wild, Wild West, had previously purchased the movie rights to Ian Fleming’s 007 novels. That was in 1955, when Hollywood wasn’t interested. By the time they came around, he had already sold them.

Undaunted, Garrison finally did his version of Bond, transferring the character to the American west in the 1870s. It was a risky move, since the boom in TV westerns had largely subsided by 1965. But the series’ mix of western elements with espionage and science fiction was something new and fresh.

Conrad fit the role of James West as perfectly as he fit into his excessively tight pants. He had the steel-eyed stare, the charm with the ladies, the fancy transportation, the array of gadgets to get him out of tight situations, and one advantage Bond never had – an equally resourceful partner in Artemus Gordon (Ross Martin). 



The Wild, Wild West had many memorable qualities – villains like Dr. Loveless and Count Manzeppi, those freeze-framed scenes that morphed into the animated opening credits, Artie’s endless array of disguises – but my favorite moments were always when West would hurl himself into a gang of thugs.

West: “There’s only four of them.”
Gordon: (after shooting one of them) “Three. Hardly worth your trouble”

This show had the best fight scenes of any TV western, and Conrad, with his running, jumping, and diving off barn roofs and moving stagecoaches, was the Jackie Chan of his day. He choreographed his fights and did most of his own stunts.



This is a good time to get reacquainted with this classic series. It holds up. And once you’re done here are some other Conrad credits that are always worth another look.

Centennial (1978)
“He did the stunts. I did the acting,” said Ross Martin of his Wild, Wild West costar, with tongue only slightly in cheek. But Conrad could act, and the role he was most proud of was that of the French-Canadian trapper Pasquinel in this extraordinary miniseries. It’s one of the best things that television has ever done. 



Columbo (1974)
In “An Exercise in Fatality” Conrad plays an embezzling fitness club owner who murders a franchisee that uncovers his shady dealings. A scuff on a waxed floor, a spilled cup of coffee and an order of Chinese takeout put Columbo on the killer’s trail. Robert Conrad had his detractors, and this is how they likely perceived him – cocky and arrogant. I’m sure they enjoyed watching his downfall here. 



Mission: Impossible (1970)
In “The Killer”, the best of Conrad’s three M:I guest appearances, he plays Edward Lorca, an assassin that does not plan any aspect of his jobs in advance. How will Phelps and his team react in time to Lorca’s random decisions?

Battle of the Network Stars
Everyone remembers the footrace he lost to Gabe Kaplan, but he took the loss like a gentleman, and captained his team to more than one victory in his seven Battle appearances. Conrad enjoyed these friendly competitions so much I think he said yes to shows like The Duke and A Man Called Sloane just so he’d get invited back to Pepperdine. My favorite Conrad moment came in Battle #6, when he put Leif Garrett in the dunk tank. Garrett began heckling him, mocking his age with an exaggerated “Sir,” until Conrad executed a perfect toss that dropped the punk in the drink.

Black Sheep Squadron (1976-1978)
Conrad played Major Pappy Boyington in this military drama set during World War II. Not one of my favorites, but there are fans for whom this is the quintessential Conrad series. 



Eveready Commercials
Next to the Polaroid ads with James Garner and Mariette Hartley, Conrad’s series of battery commercials may be the most memorable campaign featuring a famous actor. They played perfectly off his tough-guy image, and his smile at the end was a hint that he was in on the joke too. 



Godspeed, Mr. Conrad. I wish I had been home that day when you called.

7 comments:

  1. Awesome tribute Dave, I sure would love to read your Wild West article from 1999. How cool that Robert Conrad left you that message at least! I only remember Robert Conrad in Wild West & those battery commercials, but sure had a good laugh over that Leif Garrett dunking! RIP Robert...

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  2. Mr. Hofstede, have you seen any episodes of "A Man Called Sloane" for yourself? There is a chapter in Jonathan Etter's 2003 book "Quinn Martin, Producer" that is dedicated to "A Man Called Sloane." Will "A Man Called Sloane," the last new weekly series that QM Productions made, get a home-video release of any kind? Will it see the light of day on CBS All Access? Will it be legitimately released on physical media? Only time will tell.

    In any case, may Robert Conrad rest in peace.

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  3. As always, thanks for the kind words and the link, David!

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  4. Thank you for this wonderful article on my #1 crush Robert Conrad I have loved this man since I was a kid! I was lucky enough to speak to him on his radio show on CRN! My heart is broken he's gone now but will forever be in my heart! And i found a bunch of great friends who love Robert as much as i do! We dont read the gossip papers its trash! Robert will forever be in my heart!

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  5. Bob Conrad was the best, and his teaming up with Ross Martin was classic TV. Amazing partnership. I spoke with Bob about 10-12 years ago on the phone for about 15 minutes, trying to talk him into doing his memoir with me. I wish I had taped it. Just to be talking to him, hearing that voice, was priceless.

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  6. Robert Conrad's turn as Eddie Lorca on "Mission: Impossible" was AWESOME. One of the best episodes of the series, and one of the few bright spots in the later seasons. Notably, that episode was remade for the very first episode of the Mission: Impossible reboot in the late 1980s.

    But, I must ask in all seriousness, was your statement that he "took the loss like a gentleman" when he lost the footrace to Gabe Kaplan sarcasm? I am of an entire generation that remembers what a jerk Robert Conrad was on that episode of BotNS. I think that it was a very notable moment in TV history because it was one of the first times we saw a Hollywood celebrity's TRUE personality, and it wasn't pretty.

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    1. After the race he shook Kaplan's hand and was content that the competition was decided appropriately. He also lightened up in subsequent Battles and in one profile was shown coaching his son's football team - those moments resonated with me more than that one outburst on the track.

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