Thursday, December 27, 2012

Happy Fake Jan Day

 
Television has created catchphrases, fashion trends and classic theme songs, but it hasn’t tried adding many holidays to the calendar. The only one that caught on is Festivus, introduced on Seinfeld. The O.C. tried to make Chrismukkah work but it had little pop culture impact, despite the steady encroachment of some Christmas traditions into the Jewish faith.

However, there’s one other TV-inspired holiday that is celebrated by a small but loyal contingent of classic television fans – particularly those over the age of 40. It has but one inspiration and one tradition, and it has its origin in a short-lived series that few people watched and less remember.

On January 2, 2013, I invite you to join me in celebrating Fake Jan Day. 

 

The holiday was created by fans of The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, an ill-fated attempt to revive the popularity of the Bunch with a new series featuring singing, dancing, and water ballet. All of the original series’ cast returned except for Eve Plumb, who was replaced by a lithe teenage beauty named Geri Reischl. Since then, Reischl has forever been immortalized as Fake Jan.

In my book What Were They Thinking? The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History, I ranked The Brady Bunch Variety Hour at #11 among TV’s most memorable atrocities. Here’s a quote from that entry:

“It’s impossible to single out individual moments, as it all runs together now into a blur of ghastly images: the performance of “Car Wash” as characters from The Wizard of Oz; the Brady kids saying, “We want to sing the music of our generation,” and then opening the show with “Baby Face,” a chart-topper from the 1920s; The Water Follies Swimmers and the Kroftette Dancers; Greg in a white Elvis jumpsuit doing The Hustle; a 1950s roller-rink scene, in which the three Brady brothers try to pick up their sisters; a family sing-along to Donna Summer’s orgasmic “Love to Love You Baby.” 



Having now become friends with Geri Reischl on Facebook I might have felt bad about some of that criticism, but then I read Love to Love You Bradys, a book coauthored by official Brady Susan Olsen that trashed the show worse than I ever could. And Barry Williams is on record as referring to the series as “perhaps the single worst television program in the history of the medium.”

Fortunately, no repeat viewings of the show are required to celebrate Fake Jan Day, which was first recognized in 2008. In fact, this is the perfect holiday to follow Christmas, as it is completely stress-free. There are no decorations to put up, no cards to mail, no gifts to buy. It is also controversy-free, with no whining atheists griping about Fake Jan Day displays in the public square, and no politicians co-opting the occasion to advance their agenda. I’ve yet to hear a Senator, arguing gun control or the fiscal cliff debate, asking “What would Fake Jan do?” If they did, the answer would probably be “sing an Elton John song.”



There is only one tradition associated with Fake Jan Day, and that is the purchase and consumption of the holiday’s official food, the cheese ball. If you have to ask why this particular delicacy was chosen, you have clearly never watched The Brady Bunch Variety Hour



Why January 2? If you look at that date on many calendars it is abbreviated as “Jan 2” which is another way to describe Geri Reischl’s altar-ego. Reischl, by the way, is completely on board with this unconventional tribute, and proudly serves as the charismatic ringmaster for her own silly circus. With her ever-growing numbers of Facebook supporters (more than 5,000 and counting), and the unpredictability of what may capture the fancy of social media, Fake Jan Day already has the potential to spike cheese ball sales at Hickory Farms. 

What I like most about Fake Jan Day is that it is goofy, immature and utterly pointless. We’re all getting too busy in our lives to make room for such things, so when an opportunity presents itself, go for it. You’ll feel better in the morning – unless your cheese ball surpassed its shelf life. 


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Classic TV Christmas Blues

 Is Christmas everything it used to be?

That question has been a frequent topic of discussion over the past few years. From ministers and cable TV pundits to retail employees receiving edicts on what to say and what not to say to customers, for many the simple pleasures of the holiday have been lost among the controversy. It’s sad, but most of us attribute these misfortunes to the times in which we live.

That’s why it is somewhat surprising, and even amusing, to hear these same objections raised in classic TV shows that first aired more than half a century ago. As many adults dream about celebrating the kind of old-fashioned Christmases they found so fulfilling as a child, these shows suggest that such laments were already familiar in the era that now seems so idyllic by comparison.

“A Very Merry Christmas,” from the first season of The Donna Reed Show, aired on Christmas Eve of 1958. The story focuses on Donna’s concern that nothing is apparently being planned for the children’s ward of the hospital where her husband Alex works. She later discovers that the hospital’s janitor, Charlie (played by legendary silent film comedian Buster Keaton) is in charge of the annual Christmas party, which takes place right on schedule.

But earlier in the episode, Donna watches her daughter Mary fret over whether she should buy a gift for one of her friends, since that friend hasn’t given her anything yet, and hears her son Jeff complain that he’s probably going to lose money on Christmas because he spent more on presents than he’s received. She also barely survives a trip to a frenzied department store to buy a last minute gift for one of Alex’s co-workers.

“Was Christmas always like this?” she asks Alex. “Christmas should be warm, and friendly, and peaceful.” “Christmas hasn’t changed,” he tells her. “Maybe wrapped up in too many ribbons, but its still Christmas.”

Later, Charlie echoes Donna’s sentiments: “I love watching children at Christmas. It’s a shame we took it away from them.” 



Father Knows Best was another series we now associate with the more wholesome, family-oriented 1950s. Aired during that series’ first season, “The Christmas Story” (1952) finds Jim Anderson disillusioned with his family’s cynicism. “Why can’t we have Christmas the way it used to be? Quiet…simple…” Later, he chastises his children for their materialism. “Have you forgotten the meaning of Christmas? Have you forgotten everything you learned at Sunday School?”

Determined to celebrate the holiday right, Jim drags the whole family up to the mountains so they can cut down their own Christmas tree.  His plan goes awry when the car gets stuck in a snowdrift, and they are forced to seek shelter in an abandoned fishing lodge.

By episode’s end they’ve all rediscovered the true meaning of Christmas, thanks to a kindly stranger in a white beard – but it’s Jim’s nostalgic reflections that are most interesting. He’d be in his early 40s in 1952, so his memories of when Christmas was celebrated right would date back almost to the turn of the 20th century. And if there were TV shows back then, I’m sure someone would regret how the holiday has changed since the glory days of the 1870s. 



What should we take away from this? That perhaps we should spend less time moaning about how Christmas has changed, and more time enjoying what it still represents. This is a day of good tidings of great joy, whether one believes that Christ was a savior or merely a wise and compassionate man. Sure, there have been some statements made and actions taken in the name of political correctness that I find unsettling, but none of them can or will change the way I celebrate the holiday.

No one can take Christmas away from you. And no one can force you to celebrate if it’s not something you wish to observe. And if Christmas today doesn’t seem as special as the ones you enjoyed as a child, that’s probably as it should be. Just ask Donna Reed.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Top Five Classic TV Christmas Commercials

  
Classic TV commercials have become a casualty of the DVR era. Today, so many viewers are able to fast-forward through them, or mute them, that their impact is no longer as profound as it was in the era before such conveniences existed.

When I was growing up, one of the first signs of an approaching holiday season was the appearance of Christmas-themed commercials. Some companies reused the same ads year after year, until they became as much a seasonal tradition as the first quarts of egg nog appearing at your neighborhood supermarket.

Holiday commercials are still around, of course. I’ve already seen the Hershey’s Kisses playing “Jingle Bells,” and the M&Ms having an unexpected encounter with Santa Claus. But when I think of classic TV Christmas commercials, these are the ads that come to mind.

1. Andre Champagne
Today, this ad could be created on a computer in about an hour, at a cost of maybe 20 bucks. But it played for at least a decade in the 1970s and into the ‘80s, and every time I watch it on YouTube and hear that distinctive “ding” of the champagne glasses, I am instantly transported back to the holiday seasons of my childhood. My favorite image is the one of the guy coming through the front door cradling six bottles in his arms. He looks just like that one uncle in every family that you only see on holidays, and that always needs someone to drive him home after the party. I’ve never had a glass of Cold Duck in my life, but I still see Andre Champagne in the stores ($4.50 with a coupon at one supermarket near me, so you know it’s good stuff) and it’s reassuring to know they’re still around. 





2. Folger’s Coffee
This is one of those commercials that pack an emotional punch into one minute. The phone company (back when we only had one of them) used to be masters as this with its “Reach out and Touch Someone” campaign. Some of their spots could move people to tears. This one, first aired in 1986, tugs on the heartstrings as well, particularly in that impossibly cute little girl’s reaction to Peter’s return, and the expression on mom’s face.  Peter was played by an actor named Greg Wrangler, and if you’ve got a sharp eye you can spot him now in a more recent Capital One commercial. The Folger’s ad was so popular that it inspired a 2009 remake, which fared about as well as most remakes of classics. 


3. Norelco
Norelco knew they hit on something after this spot debuted in the 1960s. For the next 30 years, with occasional revivals as recently as last year, the company unveiled slightly different variations of the same concept, with updated products appearing in the shop window that Santa slides by. The original spots have a Rankin-Bass look to them, which could help to explain their popularity among baby boomers who grew up with annual showings of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. It’s such a charming perennial that no ever thought to ask why a guy with a full beard is so attached to shavers. 


4. McDonald’s Gift Certificates
From the 1960s through the early 1990s, McDonald’s commercials had a consistency of quality matched by very few other brands. From the colorful McDonaldland spots to a litany of memorable jingles (“You deserve a break today,” “We do it all for you”) the company promoted family fun and happy times, which was still acceptable in an era when society didn’t make you feel like a pariah for eating fast food. Every holiday season, McDonald’s would unveil new seasonal ads touting their gift certificates (“just 50 cents each, or a book of 10 for 5 dollars”), suggesting they would be a perfect gift for your teacher, the mailman, the babysitter, and anyone else you really didn’t feel like shopping for. 


5. Kraft Recipes
While the tradition of television programs having only one sponsor peaked in the 1950s, the practice continued into the 1980s through Kraft’s sponsorship of various TV movies and variety specials, as well as the long-running series The Kraft Music Hall. This set of festive recipe commercials, which originally aired during the 1986 broadcast of Jim Henson’s The Christmas Toy, have all the hallmarks of any Comfort TV broadcast. Narrator Ed Herlihy’s soothing voice was once as much a television staple as a Johnny Carson monologue. If you are curious to try any of these holiday food creations, I can heartily recommend the cheddar crisps and the cappuccino cheesecake.