TV’s Worst Decisions (According to Rolling Stone and Me)

 

The once-respected music mag Rolling Stone is once again dabbling into areas where it has no business, this time compiling a list of the 50 Worst Decisions in TV History. Yeah, I couldn’t resist checking it out.

 

As this blog only covers television from the 1950s through the 1980s, most of their selections do not concern us here. In fact, there were just eight entries out of 50 from the Comfort TV era, which either means television was a lot smarter back then, or the staffers who compiled this list believe there was nothing worth watching until Game of Thrones.

 

Let’s review their classic TV era choices, before I offer some of my own (and, I would humbly add, better) suggestions:

 

The Mystery of Al Capone’s Vault (#41)

When Geraldo Rivera learned of a sealed vault underneath Chicago’s Lexington Hotel, then scheduled for demolition, he saw an opportunity to speculate whether the city’s most famous mob boss may have left some historical artifacts (or a few dead bodies) inside. The channels that picked up this special in syndication did not think this was a poor decision – the special pulled an enormous 57 rating.

 

Sure, the show itself was horrible – two hours of filler before the vault finally opened, and all that was inside was one 60 year-old whiskey bottle. But Geraldo’s career survived – such as it was – and if viewers felt suckered I’m sure they are over it by now. 

 

 

 

Family Matters Disappears Judy Winslow (#38)

I was not a fan of this series, but according to Rolling Stone it was about the Winslow family, whose youngest daughter, Judy, was played by Jaimee Foxworth. When the show introduced Steve Urkel, viewers responded so favorably that it pulled storylines from other characters, and Judy fared the worst. After four seasons, she just vanished and was never referred to again. 

 

 

Sure, that’s cold, but hardly unprecedented. The same thing happened to Chuck Cunningham on Happy Days, and when Michael J. Fox became the top draw of Family Ties, it meant fewer episodes devoted to Tina Yothers. Family Matters lasted another five seasons, so it was not a harmful decision to ABC. Whether Foxworth’s subsequent series of poor life choices can also be attributed to her dismissal is open for debate.

 

Canceling Star Trek and Gilligan’s Island After Just Three Seasons (#37)

This one surprised me, first because you rarely see Star Trek and Gilligan’s Island mentioned in the same sentence, and second because both shows not only survived but flourished in non-stop syndication for decades after they were canceled. “By comparison, According to Jim produced 182 episodes across eight seasons,” Rolling Stone observed. “We’d be in a better world if there had been a lot more Star Trek and a lot less According to Jim.” Well, when you put it that way…

 

Laverne and Shirley Dumps Shirley (#29)

I interviewed David L. Lander (Squiggy) about Laverne & Shirley’s final season, for my book What Were They Thinking? The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History. He put the blame for Shirley’s disappearance on Cindy Williams’ husband, Bill Hudson (of Hudson Brothers fame), who became such a pain in everyone’s backside that the network just let her go. I agree with Rolling Stone here – the decision to move forward without Williams was a terrible one.

 

The Brady Bunch Variety Hour Becomes a Thing (#17)

This show is in my above-mentioned book as well. Even Barry Williams described it as “perhaps the single worst television show in the history of the medium.” Sure, I made fun of it like everyone else –but over the years my perspective has softened. 

 

Give the success of The Brady Bunch in syndication, and the popularity of musical variety shows in the late 1970s, the decision to take a chance on this series was hardly outlandish. It only lasted nine episodes and deservedly so, but I can’t stay mad at the Bradys, even when they’re turning Donna Summer's seductive "Love to Love You Baby" into a wholesome family singalong.

 

The Ropers  (#16)

Clearly a failed spinoff. But why was this singled out over Enos or Tabitha or AfterMASH? It didn’t kill Three’s Company, which survived even the loss of Suzanne Somers. 

 

 

Star Trek: TNG Fires Gates McFadden Before Season Two (#15)

Was the show better with Dr. Crusher than with Diana Muldaur as Dr. Pulaski? Sure. Did that decision destroy the season? Absolutely not. 

 

“Elementary, Dear Data,” “The Measure of a Man,” “”Time Squared,” “Pen Pals,” and “Q Who” were just some of that season’s excellent entries. Even the episode that focused on Pulaski, “Unnatural Selection,” has its moments. There were misfires as well, but you can’t blame “Shades of Gray” on her.

 

NBC Cancels ‘Baywatch’ After One Season (#12)

Yes, terrible decision from a financial standpoint – Baywatch generated countless millions in its 11-season run. Maybe if Pamela Anderson had been there from the beginning, its fate would have been different. 

 

 

If you’re wondering what #1 was, it was NBC’s decision to cancel Freaks and Geeks.

 

My Choices

My criteria for a worst decision is that it should be one that did serious damage to a good show, or canceled a series before that series reached its full potential. With that in mind, here are five more selections.

 

#1

Replacing Bo and Luke with Coy and Vance on The Dukes of Hazzard

This tops my list not only because it tanked the ratings on a top-ten series, it also revealed arrogance toward the series’ fans that bordered on contempt. When Tom Wopat and John Schneider left the show (temporarily) over a merchandising royalty dispute, I can almost hear CBS executives responding, “So what? Hire a couple of lookalikes and keep the same scripts. As long as the car jumps and Daisy is wearing shorts, those trailer park rubes in the South and Midwest will keep watching.” Wrong. But that same attitude toward “flyover country” has only gotten worse since then, and not just in network boardrooms. 

 

 

#2

Nancy Walker on Family Affair

I like Nancy Walker. I like Family Affair. But I cannot stand Nancy Walker on Family Affair. Her character, housekeeper Emily, arrives in the show’s fifth and final season, and seems to exist only to mock Mr. French’s stuffy disposition. But there’s nothing wrong with Mr. French’s stuffy disposition – in fact, given his impeccable manners and devotion to duty and grace under pressure, he is a character to be admired, not ridiculed.

 

#3

The Last Episode of St. Elsewhere

Television viewers invest emotionally in the lives of characters, especially those in a quality, long-running series. So when the final episode of St. Elsewhere revealed that the only place these characters actually “existed” was inside a snow globe held by an autistic kid, it came off as a bleak and cynical decision by a writer lifting his middle finger toward the people that helped to keep him employed. The bitter aftertaste still lingers. 

 

 

#4. Canceling Gidget, Ellery Queen, Apple’s Way, Tenspeed and Brownshoe, and The Fitzpatricks, all after just one season. 

Wonderful shows, all gone way too soon.

 

 

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Spoiler alert: This was #1 in my What Were They Thinking? book. If you’ve seen it, no explanation is necessary. If you haven’t, no explanation could ever fully encapsulate what makes this special so spectacularly awful.